So this is how my New Year tradition goes. I always try to write 10 lessons every New Year and I am doing this again and I will do it again next year. It’s a tradition!!! Lol
Ok about these 10 lessons, they are born out of personal experiences: triumphs and downfalls, the good, bad and the downright ugly. They may be a bit different from last year, I mean, I’m growing older in experience and knowledge too. As my birthday approached this year, there was a crippling fear in my heart about growing older. Who doesn’t want to be sweet and sixteen forever? I felt like I had not done enough. My father in particular said I thought you would be done with school and doing something with your life. People think different, but I was ashamed and beating myself up. Now I settled that with God and I have dusted my trophy rack again and again over the past few months. I’m grateful for my friends who kept reminding me and rubbing my back and convincing me that I was enough.
Lesson 1: You Don’t Have Time
The lesson here is: I don’t have time. You don’t!! There is nothing like being too young. I wish I had started out on FNL and believed in my writing and my stories and my voice. I kind of wish I had gone into a relationship earlier (maybe?) I wish I had started saving earlier. I wish I had nurtured my entrepreneurship spirit earlier. I wish I had dropped some friends earlier. I wish I had been proactive about a lot of things.
This year is going to be different. I’m taking the bull by the horn and writing off procrastination. I’m truly living and going for what I believe in and my dreams. No more startup excuses, no fears, no inhibitions.
Everyday looks mundane and the same and nothing changes yet when you look back, everything has changed.
So live like you don’t have time. Because you don’t.
Lesson 2: Never, Ever Lie to Yourself.
I’m grateful for two friends in particular in my life. Tolu brings reality home and shines a floodlight on my heart and Afoma asks the tough questions that everyone is not asking.
I can pretend and lie to everyone but once I’m not sure about the true state of things in my heart, then there is a problem.
I’m a coke (coca cola please) addict. I can be uptight. I need to slow down. I’m afraid that my writing is never going to be good enough and people won’t like my voice. I want a family; a good real loving one. My being a feminist doesn’t one bit change the fact that marriage and family makes my heart beat a little faster. There is this and that; and there is that and this.
There is a problem with the “ doctrine of confessions”. I feel like people lie to themselves and refuse to take responsibility for themselves and just confess it away. I’m not going to go into the back and forth of it but you get the idea. If you’re lazy, you’re lazy. If you need to lose weight, you need to. If you need to study harder, you need to study harder. If you need to get out of that relationship, you need to. Full stop. Period. Stop lying to yourself and do something about it.
Lesson 3: Write It Down.
How else can I preach this message? Memories are gold.
With all the hustle hard and fame mantras I hear around, there is one that makes me laugh. I can’t really quote it word for word but it’s something about how autobiographies will be written about them. How can we write an autobiography about you when you are not journaling now?
Ok fine. You don’t want to journal. But the lessons you learn, and those “lines” that strike you? The plans? The dreams? That business strategy? What God said? What you are thankful for? I think you need to be writing it down.
Write it down. Just write it and keep it. You will forget, I promise. The shortest pencil is longer than the smartest memory or so the quote goes.
Writing it down, whatever it is: reminds you, keeps you accountable, heals you and measures your growth.
Lesson 4: Take a Lesson in Trust
This is perhaps the biggest lesson. This last year, God removed all my “props” and my trust (not faith please) was really tested. I got into a new relationship, my investments caved in and people I called family really messed up and I had to drop all the baggage. I had nothing, nobody. It was like I was holding on with one finger and it was hard. Waking up and facing the day was a herculean task. I have a simple breath phrase ‘Lord, help.” Every step was my trusting God because I didn’t have another option.
I have grown in that area and right now, whether things are good or not, I know, I truly know that God is my source, my sole source. Whether it is financial, or emotional or health wise or my academics or my writing or my business, I’ve to come to trust God true and through.
Even when things are going good, I refuse to get too comfortable. I decide to step back and let God take over in the simplest things, like who’s going to provide dinner.I’m not testing God’s ability to, I’m testing my trust in His ability.
Lesson 5: Drop All that Baggage
Sophia Nelson wrote: “your spirit was not made to carry junk.” That stuck with me ever since I read it. As in, I’m not one for drama anymore. I let go of relationships because of the bickering and pain in the name of fighting for it. I let go of the emotional abuse and stress. I just needed to breathe and do that easily.
If you need to walk away, please do. If you need to tear up letters or delete messages, do that now. Stop ‘force-hanging out’ and dragging your feet. Don’t say hi or hello or pull the ‘I just wanted to check up on you’ stunt. If you need to be confrontational and talk it out, what are you waiting for? It hurts and I know the memories are a lifetime worth and the questions and fears are all up in your face.
You need to travel light if you’re going to travel fast. (That is totally my quote)
Your past is in the past and that is where it should remain (that’s mine too) Why drag the pain and hurt and upheaval into today?
Lesson 6: Do It Afraid
I’ve stepped out so much in the last year. It’s been my hardest year but also a landmark one. And trust me, fear had a chokehold on my throat.
At my party this year, all my friends talked about how I’m fierce and how I go for what I what irrespective of the obstacles and how I’m never afraid and stuff.
Oh please! I’m afraid. Fear cripples me all the way down to my toes. Waking up is a chore.
But I do it anyway. Fear has never stopped me. If I wait to stop being afraid, then I just might never do it. Inhale. Do it. Exhale. Do it. Wet sticky palms, shaky feet: do it anyway.
Step out. I promise you, even if you sink, you’ll be happy you did (in the end)
Lesson 7: Take a Chill Pill
We are too young to be unhappy. We are too young to be complicated.
I know I’m uptight. I take life seriously. And it’s a good thing. Perhaps our generation needs more of me.
But a little balance is needed now and then. My friend says the search for balance is vanity in itself. I beg to disagree. Extremes will end your life faster than you can willingly do.
I take a pause every now and then. I ask questions. I source opinions. I ask Esther for a massage. I buy a new book. I smell fresh paper. I do my nails. I take a walk. I sleepover at Tolu’s. I insult my best friend. I cook something different. I watch TBBT or 2 Broke Girls or Harry Potter. I download weird music. I miss classes and sleep to escape. I rearrange my wardrobe and wash my bathroom. I write. I breathe in. I breathe out. I go either behind the camera or in front of it. I climb to the top of cars and do my sexy dance. I splurge on myself. I build castles in the air. Most importantly, I refuse to numb out and remember to laugh at myself.
It,s tiring to beat myself up all the time. The world is doing that. Life is giving me every chance to. So let me leave all that work to the experts and pamper me a little.
Lesson 8: Do the Right Thing
It is not rocket science that doing the right thing is hard. And yes, I’m talking about the values and the standards you have. If they need to go to the bin, please thrash them quick. Don’t lie to yourself. You know what needs to change. Forget whatever anybody thinks.
Of course, the high road is lonely and not very popular. It is hard and it is denying and you don’t always get everything you want. But what you need for life is more important.
I feel like young people shoot themselves in the leg at this primetime of life. Thing is, the pain comes later. The bleeding doesn’t start now. Do not destroy what you do not have before you even have it.
Grow some standards and adopt values, the right kind. Have a backbone, a real one and learn to say no (or yes) and rock it.
Lesson 9: Look from Another Perspective
People feel like Christians are so judgmental and stuff. I dare say people are so judgmental of Christians too. Once you’re pointing fingers, it doesn’t matter which side you’re on. Calm down. Ask questions. Think till you’re at the bottom of the rabbit hole.
I’ve grown so much in this area. I’m not quick to come to conclusions. I really don’t like making excuses for people. While some people might argue that it helps your love walk, the truth is people need to take responsibility for their actions. I’ll not help nobody stay irresponsible. And if you choose to, why do I have to stay there and bear the brunt of it?
And this doesn’t apply to just people and their religion or circumstances.
For instance, I’m planning to start a new business. I wear all the caps possible. I think like the owner that I am. I think like the consumer. I think like the sales agent. In church, I think like the leader and the follower.
If you’ve ever been to the optician, there is this cool thing the optician does when he’s trying to find you a perfect pair of lens: he gives you empty frames, starts to put different lens and it’s fun (to me anyway) trying to read with all of them till you find your perfect pair.
Maybe we should try to do this with life too.
Lesson 10: No Surprises
I don’t know to paint this lesson well. Maybe it stems out of a place of numbness, maybe not.
But nothing surprises me anymore. It’s not like I make a list of all the bad things that could possibly happen (trust me, I used to) but I try to make sure nothing pulls the rug from under my feet.
I’ve come to accept the fact that life sucks and will suck and my safe haven is in my Lord and I’m good when I’m hungry or full, when I’m weak or strong, when I’m sad or happy, when I’m unloved or loved. I don’t throw tantrums anymore (I was the queen of them) I no longer point accusing fingers when things don’t go according to plan. I just move along. I’m fine if I’m happy; I’m fine if I’m sad.
I’ve learnt to face the fact of whatever is happening, accept it, feel it and find the way forward. No drama. No surprises.
I hope these have helped you. I will also advise that you try out these new year traditions thing, it will really help especially if you are a person that likes to check yourself, your successes, achievements and goals.
Also, please comment and share what you’ve learnt this year. You might just help to inspire one or two people. xoxo
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